I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
