She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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