You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize