someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I supernannyed him into submission
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
