It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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