Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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