when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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