i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
