Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
