Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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