was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
