every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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