I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
