I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
