I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
