would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
