i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
