i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
