she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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