Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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