i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize