the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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