I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
