Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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