I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
