Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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