I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
