one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
