I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
