my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
