How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
