Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You're a waste of cheezeits
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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