Have you finally orgasmed yet?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
