Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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