Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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