hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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