Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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