Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
a search helicopter?!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
