the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
