dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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