i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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