Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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