There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
