Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
did i walk over a car last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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