: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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