Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
