Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
