yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
