quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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