My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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