her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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