My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
