5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
