be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize