I have demons in me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
