Duck Duck Cougar?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
worst night to have a conscience
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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