Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
