I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
