No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
