At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize