I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am available for nakedness
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
