bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
