My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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