My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
