careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
