So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
