dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
