how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He passed out mid-signature
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
