i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
