he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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