Got a toothbrush?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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