Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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