You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
