I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
