I think I died a long time ago.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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