She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
