she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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