he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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