do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
