So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
