I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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