I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
