NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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