I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
