I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
