We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
