Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
