so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
