Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize