Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
