i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
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