We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Im part way to drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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