when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
