But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
