first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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