remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
