I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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